I’ve never really put too much stock into birthdays. I’ve always just gone about my merry way and have done one simple thing I really enjoy on that day. My birthdays are almost always very low-key with those people I absolutely adore around.
This year, however, I’ve been told time and time again that I HAVE TO do something big because it’s a big deal.
I’m turning 50. Is this a big deal?
It got me thinking about all the nuances around birthdays and how we place so much importance on them, and sometimes for the wrong reasons.
I remember when I turned 30. That, I was told, was massive because you’re no longer in your 20’s and you’re now “properly adulting.” All my friends were married and had a few kids. I, on the other hand, was still single (by choice) and was enjoying finding myself, as it were. I was travelling, meeting people, discovering and getting to know myself and savouring life.
Turning 40 was more of a ‘devasting’ event sponsored by those around me as this was an “over the hill halfway through your life moment.” That never resonated with me either because 1) I plan on living longer than 80 and 2) I don’t seem to see my life as dropping off a slope after a certain decade. In fact, I had never really thought about how I see my life but upon proper reflection, it’s more of a horizontal line or just an ascending line with “death’ being at the summit, closer to the heavens, I guess.
Turns out the past decade was one of the best of my life. I have loved my forties like no other and I think that’s because I’ve cherished them fondly. They have been a time of raising my daughter, working at my marriage, making and achieving goals, creating deep family relationships and friendships and absolutely loving the challenges of being a parent…I know, I’m weird like that.
So, why is 50 such a big deal? Is it because we are getting closer to dying? Getting closer to being an old flappy person? Is it a big deal because there is so much fear ahead or is it a big deal because there is so much mystery, wonder and excitement ahead?
My quick answer to “is turning 50 a big deal” is…no, not a big deal and no need to make a fuss about it.
But on a more contemplative note, perhaps it is.
Which brings me to my last few days in my 49th year. I’ll be honest, I have some trepidation. But I’m not sure if I’m assimilating the vibes from others: “welcome to the dark side,” they say, or “oh this is when your body starts to break down,” or “it’s only downhill from here…” blah blah blah.
Wtf??! As I write this I wonder who lets these assholes be motivational speakers in daily life? Do they legitimately think they’re being helpful?
I know what it is though and I do feel compassion and a tender-heartedness for that perspective.
It’s simply the collective fear and resistance of getting old, or I should say older.
No one wants to get old and feel like they can’t enjoy life anymore. I get it. What if getting older didn’t mean all of these negative thought-opinions:
Older means wrinkles which equals ugly
Older means less beautiful
Older means useless
Older means no more fun
Older means no more sex, connections or flirting
Older means …death basically, in the most metaphorical way you can think of. Death of fun, death of vibrancy, death of laughter, death of adventures…
Which is why I guess people need to celebrate hard on their 50th because the idea is that now you will face death. “This is your death mark,” they are saying to me in an ever-so-subtle way.
But what if getting older meant different things?
What if, as a society and culture, we looked at getting older as wisdom, vibrancy, deep-bellied laughs, excitement for more adventure?
I choose this perspective.
So as I cooly move into this decade I am deciding to:
Laugh more. Love harder. Accept my imperfections. Observe my resistance and all those uncomfortable emotions. Make a deeper friendship with self. Become the wise old crone. Accept this glorious beautiful year because I’ve lived 50 of them, and celebrate them as quietly or as explosively as my big, shining, beautiful soul wants. I am true vintage baby and I'm celebrating that!
Celebrate with me!
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