It was Amelia’s 12th birthday party yesterday. After some snacks, laser tag, dinner and cake, we came back to our house as the girls wanted to hang out a little longer.
She’s definitely at that age where mom doesn’t have to lead the party goers as we've done in the past ie: themed birthday parties, planned games, somewhat scheduled events and a firm time for parental pick up.
Not this year, this birthday was sooooo easy. I planned snacks, how to get us all to laser tag, decided what we were having for dinner and the rest was led by the whims of pre-teen girls. Decisions were being made as to which Harry Styles songs were going to be listened to, which chips to snack on, what games to play and who was going to be on the laser tag teams. This was all decided while they talked over one another, sang, did spins, chased each other randomly, talked about the end of the school year and ate.
I noticed that they‘re in that space where they’re still playful and not quite teens, aka, quiet, lots of eye-rolling, and communicating via text whilst sitting beside each other. They don’t have their noses stuck to their phones; rather, they put on a movie - The Lorax by the way, because now of course, they understand the movie as a reflection of today’s corrupt corporate greed and climate change topics, at least that’s how they justified putting that movie on in the background, and then they proceeded to grab a soft ball and tried to play a soft version of dodge ball in the living room. Of course, that’s when I piped in and suggested dodgeball be played outside. It amazes me how that may seem so obvious to an adult yet absolutely not even a question for a 12 year old. “What? But we ARE being careful, we chose a soft ball.” I honestly can’t help but giggle at how they rationalize.
Off they went outside, where they spent a good portion of an hour trying to fit 5 bodies on a hammock. And there they were with their fits of giggles and occasional girl screams laying and swaying, flipping and falling off the hammock.
It was so beautiful to watch. Such carefree little women. Such freedom and laughter. Such an intimate and easy connection to their joyous soul.
This beautiful moment filled my heart. Are we all born with such things? Are we all innately beautiful and free? When do we begin to dampen our spirits? When do we stop laughing with such liberation? When do we lose this and become inhibited, closed and serious?
I briefly reflected on my life. Ah yes, things start to happen in our teenage years. Things get complicated. Things get dramatic. We slowly begin to add layers upon layers of complexity to ourselves, to our bodies, to our thoughts. We shut off that light to appease others. That innate beauty and freedom becomes muddled in misled and misinformed ideologies and beliefs. We lose touch with that freedom of the soul. Dark nights reign more often. Seriousness becomes us.
But as the years pass, the joyful sounds of the soul peek through from time to time. It’s those moments that we need to lean into and hold. We need to remind ourselves of things that made us giggle and feel free. We need to tap into the freedom found in youthful actions. There is so much beauty and innocence found there.
So next time you walk by a swing, take a moment and go swing on it. Feel the wind as you swing higher and faster. Let out a little 12 year old girl scream and allow yourself to giggle for just a moment…and that is your wee little moment of remembering what freedom felt like. I give you permission to be free.
I believe in you, I see your beauty.
With loving kindness,
A.
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