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  • thephxcompany

How a lover, a survey and my insecurities created The PHx

The PHx Origins:

If you’ve ever wondered where this word - PHx comes from, I am here to tell you the story. 

Grab a coffee, take a seat and enjoy some easy reading. 

Over 25+ years ago when I struggled with self-esteem, self-love and self-worth issues, I made it my mission to understand why I wasn’t good enough for anyone and why I wasn’t good enough for me. 

I was very single at the time and I was also very free. Free in that I wasn’t particularly attached to anyone, any place, any thing, any job or any person. I was getting to know myself and trying to understand why I felt horrible most of the time. 

I was 22 and I met the most exquisite man. He became a lover in the most seductive and intriguing of ways. He taught me many things but mostly he taught me about me. 

One day he told me that I was one of the sexiest women he’s ever met. WT..?? This guy was old (for a 22 year old anyone over 27 is old and he was definitely older than that) and he had had quite an interesting life, moving around the world, fascinating jobs…etc. surely he had seen and been with women much more beautiful, seductive and waaaay sexier than me. This guy was definitely “takin’ the piss,” as they say in the UK. 

And perhaps he was, but he said something one night that I will never forget, it went something like this: 

“You have a way about you Alejandra, you have the kindest, most loving heart. You are gentle. You have a brilliant, curious soul. You want to live, learn, and explore. You want to have fun. You can be serious but you also don’t take yourself too seriously. You laugh out loud like there is nothing to hide and as if your sole purpose is to spread laughter and love. You live. You’re passionate. You’re smart. You read fascinating books. You are very clever. You’re not like the rest of the “pre-packaged” girls who are trying so hard. You’re so much more than this (hand moves around my body). You are something fierce...and all of that makes you sexy, very sexy Alejandra.” You can only imagine what a juicy passion session ensued. 

[omg, my heart is racing simply remembering this moment…phew!...]

As you know, it’s so flattering when someone tells you how beautiful or sexy you are, especially when you don’t really believe it. But the simple disbelief ignited something in me. I wanted to know why and what made a woman sexy? Because I, sure as hell, was not what I considered sexy at the time.

I set out on my personal journey and surveyed both men and women:

What makes a woman sexy? I would ask anyone that would listen.

The typical responses were around her physical attributes; her messy tousled hair, bedroom eyes, lingerie, long legs, curvy body, big boobs, juicy lips, nurse’s outfits, sexy librarian outfit…etc.

I didn’t feel satisfied about this, there was something missing. So I changed the question; 

What makes a person sexy? 

Holy Crap on a cracker!! ...the answers I got were completely different;

  • A sexy person is someone that is passionate, soulful, intelligent, witty, confident

  • A sexy person dresses well and takes care of themselves

  • A sexy person is care-free and not dramatic

  • A sexy person can have a good conversation or debate and not take it personally

  • A sexy person is someone who is sensual, not raunchy but sensual, leaves something to the imagination, keeps me wanting

  • A sexy person likes to laugh and doesn’t take themselves too seriously

  • A sexy person is in touch with and connected to the inner depth of who they are

  • A sexy person doesn’t mind being the most intelligent person in the room

  • A sexy person is a well-rounded person…

And on and on it went. I learned that sexiness comes from the “intangibles,” as I call them. The things we can’t really touch. Sure, we can all put on nice clothing and a coat of make-up but that doesn’t necessarily make you sexy. 

It’s the intangibles! They used their brains, they investigated truths, they questioned things, they weren’t ignorant, they had conversations, they were ok with being wrong, they didn't live their lives on someone else’s definitions, they explored what life meant for them, they took responsibility and they didn’t neglect their appearance, they cared for their bodies but it wasn’t their only defining characteristic. They had their own philosophies. These were the sexy people. It was the philosophy of the person that made them sexy. Thus philosoxy was born. 

The combination of philosophy + sexy 

Fi - LAH - suk - see. 

The PHx is simply the abbreviation of the word philosoxy. 

The PHx can mean anything; a fix as in fixing something, a fix as in obtaining a needed dose of something, a PhX as in a PhD on life, and a PHx as in a prescription (Rx) for life. 

5 years after that survey, I embarked on my own life PHx. I learned so much. It has brought me here, to a life well examined and a life well lived. And the greatest lesson of all was that the feeling of not being good enough way back at 22 years old, in fact had nothing to do with me, but to do with how I was measuring myself up to the world. I was moving through life with an external lens as opposed to an internal lens, and when I embarked on a PHx path, it eventually opened me up to extraordinary beauty. I become Philosoxy. I become PHx’d. I become whole again.

I want nothing more than for you to attain this beautifully PHx’d life. 



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